No ones life is as perfect an their social media feed
The explosion of social media over the last 15 years has opened doors for people in many ways; It has the power to connect like minded people all over the world, at any time and it gives instant feedback and it increases your visibility. In the world of chronic illness it has given people the power to educate themselves about their conditions, to share and learn from each other’s expertise, allowing them to become truly empowered in their own health and wellness so that they can work with health professionals to manage their conditions long term. Personally, I have learnt so much online, instant access to information fuels my desire to know more, I have connected with some truly amazing people from all over the world that I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to do otherwise and it has opened doors for me to raise awareness about living with chronic illness in schools, hospitals and universities.
However, we must be mindful that this virtual world is just a snapshot of reality. People can be who they want to be. The shiny pictures of your friends new house hide the crippling mortgage repayments that they struggle to meet each month. The beautiful smiling family photos mask the fact that their marriage is being held together by a thread. Make up and a smile can be a beautiful mask for depression, grief, chronic illness or pain.
Let me show you what I mean
I’m going to show you a peek into our lives to highlight that what you see on my social media feed is not always all that it seems.
I took some lovely family photos on a trip to London’s South Bank a couple of years ago. We look like everybody else, minding our own business and enjoying the sights. What those smiley photos of my family don’t show you is that the reason for our day out in London was another road trip to one of the city’s many specialist hospitals. An attempt to make a ‘day of it’ once we had travelled into town.
They don’t let you know about the conversations with my husband deciding if we should hire a wheelchair for the day for my son or if he could manage a few hours out with us without it. You don’t see that my daughter used her wheelchair for most of the day, but hopped out for the photo opportunities with her brothers.
The smiles hide the fact that my daughter is feeling poorly with a sore throat and by the end of the day she said her heart hurts just because she has stood up out of her chair.
You don’t know that the reason we had a few little sit downs along by the river was not the soak up the sights of the South Bank but to pace and rest on the way to our destination. Due to my son coming over unwell and clammy or because I just had to take the weight off my feet for a minute.
It doesn’t show in the photos that the motivational speech by the Lego artist at the start of the exhibition really hit a chord with me. As he talked so eloquently about his inspiration for the exhibition and that everyone is a superhero and can overcome life’s adversities. He could have been talking just to me.
My smile and make up mask the fact that every step I took was excruciating as my knee is finally falling apart and is bone on bone in the joint as I walk. And by the time we had looked around the exhibition the toes on one of my feet literally felt like they were on fire and cramping all at the same time.
The photos don’t show you that when we stopped for food the first thing that we ordered was tap water so three of could top up on our pain meds.
They do not show you that the next morning my daughter was on the sofa under a blanket with HR monitor on her finger and it kept jumping to the high 140’s as she was still feeling poorly and her autonomic system was just out of whack. Or that our son did not really surface for a few days as the inevitable pay off for our day pursued.
You see this is the reality of living with a chronic illness that social media rarely shows. I love the fact that we can share in life’s triumphs, that I can read positive things on people news feeds, smiling children, happy couples. Lord knows we need to celebrate those things more than most but we need to remember that an afternoon out doesn’t mean that we are cured, that we aren’t tired or hurting or going to pay terribly for it later.
A smiling face, great lighting, a photo filter, just like a shiny new car often masks the truth and that is never more true than in the world of social media. It is important not to feel threatened by or envious of the false reality that we see everyday.
Comparing yourself to others
We typically compare the worst we know of ourselves to the best we presume about others. We are all too unique to typically compare ourselves fairly to another. Other than never really knowing the full picture about someone else life, you must remember that you are unique, your talents, successes and value in this world are unique solely to you. How can that ever be compared fairly to someone else?
At the end of the day when you waste your time focusing on comparing yourself to someone else you are concentrating on the wrong thing. There is only one life that you have control over at the end of the day and that’s yours.
It is important to remind yourself that no-ones life is as perfect as their social media reels and no one is living an untroublesome life, weather you are close enough to know about it or not.
Finding inspiration and learning from others is wise, humans are amazing and there is so much knowledge that we can acquire from each other, but there is a fine line between this and self comparison. If you find that comparison keeps showing up in your life, a good place to start is notice the effects that this is having on you. Intentionally remove those thoughts from the inside out by reframing them in to the positive.
Work on comparing yourself with yourself. Spend your time and energy on being the very best version of you. Commit to looking after yourself physically, emotionally and to grow a little more each day. Learn to celebrate your wins without comparing them to someone’s shiny life on the internet.
Remember, no ones life is as perfect as their social media feed.
Want to start with looking after yourself, but are not sure where to start? Join The Thrive Tribe on Facebook and download your free copy of my ULTIMATE GUIDE TO SELF CARE and HANDY CHECKLIST, details below.
Join The Community
The Thrive Tribe is a community of women who have chronic illness or are a parent to a child who has an illness or disability.
You may feel like no-one understands what its like living with your chronic illness or worrying everyday about your kids. That you are hanging on by a thread or the future may feel a little uncertain. In The Thrive Tribe we get that.
You value life and want to be the best version of you. To manage your symptoms effectively so that you can live your best life. Or, to support your children to live theirs.
In the community we will be having real, open conversations about how you can do this. With my experience of living with multiple chronic illness’ and raising kids with CMT, EDS, PoTS and ME. I know that the struggle is real. I will be sharing guidance, challenges, my personal tips and real life stories to remind you of how this can become a reality now!
When you join the Tribe you can find your ULTIMATE GUIDE TO SELF-CARE and HANDY SELF-CARE CHECKLIST available in the files to download.
A 10 minute guide to understanding that self care is far more than having a bubble bath and lighting a scented candle. Why it is important to plan for if you have a chronic illness or are caring for someone who does and, a handy checklist to get you started with great self-care practices to support yous physical and mental health and that fit who you are!