How To Set Goals You Will Achieve When You Have A Chronic Illness

How To Set Goals You Will Achieve When You Have A Chronic Illness

by | Jan 5, 2021 | Health

Learn to be flexible and adaptable

Lets be honest, none of us will feel confident proclaiming that 2021 will be the best year ever. If 2020 has taught us anything it is to expect the unexpected. To set goals and achieve them adaptability is going to be more important now than ever. 

Having multiple chronic illnesses teaches you to be resilient. You never quite know how things will be; if you will wake up with a dislocation, get a migraine attack or even have to sit down in the middle of The Co-op because you are going to pass out. It teaches you flexibility but it also teaches you to grasp life’s opportunities when then come your way.

To think at the beginning of 2019 we had no idea that we would move out of London and by the end of the year we would be living a new life in the country. It had been a dream for us for years and 2019 was the year we made it our reality.

At the beginning of 2020 I had absolutely no plans to become a certified life coach and NLP Master practitioner. The COVID pandemic absolutely gave me the opportunity for that to happen by freeing up the time, taking all training online (meaning no travelling to London or Bristol) and meaning that the kids were safely looked after at home while I qualified from the sanctuary of our home office. I am so thankful that I took the opportunity and stepped out of my comfort zone and into the world of coaching so that I can support people like me with chronic illness.

None of us know what is around the corner for us in the year ahead. To set goals that stick it is important to be flexible and adaptable during these uncertain times.

 

To set great goals you will need to be clear on the vision for your life?

Even with the unpredictability of the world in which we live right now you can absolutely think ahead with a clear plan about where you want to go. To have a clear vision for your life and set intentions for yourself that fit with what you think and feel. It gives you the motivation to keep moving forward if things get tough and is the force that will fuel your motivation.

I will not be proclaiming intentions for the year ahead that I will have forgotten about in a few weeks time instead I will be looking at my life as a whole, where I am now and where I want to go. Then I will set myself goals that fit with my overarching vision. It’s amazing how motivated you are to achieve your goals when they connect with the overall plan for your life and who you are. I will be doing things every single day that really fit with who I am creating new habits that lead me to the place that I want to be.

If I carry on doing the same things every day that I do now, nothing will change. I need to create new habits and retrain my brain to do things in a different way if I want change to be lasting.

 

To achieve your goals keep moving forwards even if its baby steps

I’m also a realist. I know that things may change along the way that will be out of my control and I may have to adjust my sails a little. Living with unpredictable chronic illnesses has taught me that my life and my health has a habit of throwing me a curve ball. It’s like my condition enjoys putting me in my place from time to time and showing me who is the boss. If things don’t work out I may have to pause for a while or find another way. I may also find that I may have to learn new things or ask for help to get me to where I need to be.

Whatever this year brings I know that it will be important to keep moving forward, even if it’s baby steps, because if I take one step each day I will be in a very different place by the end of the year.

If your goals are truly connected to who you are and your deep rooted values staying on track when the going gets tough and staying committed to your vision will be so much easier.

 

When it comes to achieving your goals the devil is in the detail

The key to setting goals that stick is to get specific. Often the people set vague intentions without a plan to get there, to be ‘happier’ or ‘richer’ is just like setting your Sat Nav to ‘somewhere nice’ and the brain doesn’t know what to do with that information.

That’s why after you have carefully considered your overall vision it can be helpful to break your goals down into the different areas of your life so you can get specific. When you drill down on exactly what you are going to do, when you are going to do it and the exact steps you need to take it is like putting the exact destination into your Sat Nav and your brain knows what to do with that information.

 

Key takeaways to set goals that you will achieve this year, chronic illness or not

Goals have to fit with where you are, who you are and where you want to go in life. To stay 100% committed and on track you have to be really connected to why you have set the goal for yourself in the first place.

You have to understand that action produces results, and if you want results, you must take action. No matter how small, you just have to start.

We all appreciate now that life has a habit of trying to get in the way, but it will be up to you not to use those set backs as an excuse to give up on your hopes and your dreams, see it as a way to learn and do better next time.

The bottom line is incorporating even the smallest goals and making them habits will transform your life in some way. You can pick and choose which best suit your needs but the key to success is consistency. Turning your goals into habits will transform your overall wellbeing in ways you’d never imagined and you’ll feel unstoppable.

 

Ideas for goals in the different areas of your life to improve your overall well-being

Here are some ideas to set goals in the different areas of your life to get you started.. be specific and connect to why you want to make the change in the first place.

Money/ Finances

  • Decide how much you want to earn in 2021 and work out a plan to make that happen (for example – how many clients/orders/treatments etc that works out at per month)
  • Look at your finances work out a plan to save money each month – where can the savings come from? How much can you save?

Home Environment

  • Decorate a tired bedroom by the spring
  • Move home to a new area
  • Get a cleaner
  • De-clutter
  • Improve the light

Career/ Personal Growth

  • Read a book a week or 20 pages a day
  • Sign up to learn something new
  • Start selling something that you make
  • Write a book (perhaps break it down to a chapter each month)
  • Apply for a promotion
  • Enhance your networking skills
  • Improve your public speaking skills by signing up to a course or reading a book

Physical Activity

  • Get 15 minutes of fresh air every day
  • Spend 20 minutes outside in nature every day
  • Dedicate 10 minutes a day to stretching
  • Go for a 15-minute walk before work 5 days per week
  • Aim for 10,000 steps 5 days each week
  • Engage in moderate intensity physical activities 5 days per week for 30 minutes
  • Take a 5-minute walking break every hour during the workday
  • Use an activity reminder app to help you sit less at work
  • Stand for phone calls
  • Walk as you talk

Healthy Eating

  • Prep healthy lunches for the week every Sunday
  • Pack a healthy lunch three days per week
  • Create a meal plan once per week
  • Start your day with a healthy breakfast each day
  • Add an extra serving of fruits or vegetables with lunch and dinner
  • Eat two servings of dark leafy green vegetables such as spinach, broccoli, kale, romaine, etc., three days each week.
  • Avoid added sugars in foods two days each week
  • Go vegetarian one day per week
  • Pack a healthy lunch for work or school three days each week
  • Drink a glass of water before each meal

Stress Management

  • Maintain a calendar to help you manage your time
  • Develop a morning or evening routine
  • Write out and prioritize your tasks each week
  • Create a daily meditation routine
  • Keep a gratitude journal and write about all of the things that you are grateful for every day
  • Go electronics-free three evenings per week
  • Get adequate sleep
  • Engage in relaxing hobbies such as gardening, reading, dancing, or other fun activities

Fun and Recreation

  • Plan a trip to take once we can travel freely again
  • Look for a new class to join and dedicate time each week to it
  • What do you love to do? music, art, craft? Set aside an hour a week to do something that you love
  • Have a regular date night with you partner or games night with the kids

 

 

Join The Community

The Thrive Tribe is a safe place for women with long term, chronic illness or disability (or those who are carers of kids with chronic illness). It is a space to be you, to be honest that you want more than this, to be honest about not knowing how to start. A place where we can lift each other up and support each other. Where you can share your story and where we can inspire each other with our wins.  It’s about understanding that life can be tough but also that we can do hard things. About recognising your own unique superpowers! To feel like you belong in a community that has your back.

 

Goal Setting Sessions

Join me this for 2 x goal setting sessions and set intentions this year that fit who you are, light you up and that you will actually stick to! Let me teach you how to adjust your sails when things change in your life so that you can keep moving in the right direction.
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Want to know more about what makes this different? Check out the link to the January goal setting sessions here Slots filling up fast, limited spaces available ❤

 

How Self Compassion Helps To Combat Loneliness

How Self Compassion Helps To Combat Loneliness

by | Dec 23, 2020 | Mental Health, Self care

I have written this article after being asked to share my thoughts on how self compassion can help with loneliness for the Podcast ‘How To Be…’ by the amazing Suswati Basu.

 

What self compassion means to me

Self compassion, put simply, is the ability to have self kindness in the face of failure and a realistic mindset where you don’t obsess over the negatives.

It can really support you to deal with difficult situations. So if you have chronic illness in your life, either for you or a loved one self compassion is going to be important to see you through the tough times.

Chronic illness aside, being a self compassionate person can enhance your overall life satisfaction and both your psychological and emotional wellbeing.

 

How does self compassion link with loneliness

The holiday season is typically a tough time for some and this year with the COVID pandemic and travel and social mixing restricted the issue of loneliness has been brought to the fore. We all recognise how essential social connection is for us as humans.

But, loneliness doesn’t always happen just because you are alone, it’s a feeling and is very personal so everyone’s experience of loneliness will be different. You can feel lonely in a room full of people because your need for social interaction is just not being met.

I know because the most alone I have ever felt in my life was when I was surrounded by my family and friends and a husband that adored me. It was a little after my son had become bed bound with M.E. (Myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome).  I felt completely disconnected from the world in which I was living.  It was like I was going through the motions each day in some kind of outer body experience.

Practicing self compassion can counter some of the feelings of loneliness such as depression, anxiety, inadequacy or low self confidence. On the whole compassionate people generally have better social connections, it can help to reduce stress, lower anxiety and helps you cope with stressful life events. It certainly helped me when my son was ill.

 

What can you do to increase self compassion?

There are some things that you can start to do today to improve your self compassion. The more you practice the easier it will become as new neural pathways are formed in the brain. It’s like training a muscle, the more you work it the stronger it gets.

1. The first is to really acknowledge your feelings and think them through – meet those feelings with compassion but don’t let them consume you.  Try planning something fun to look forward to, do something positive (no matter how small) to move you away from any negative thoughts or feelings.  Allow your feelings but allow fun too.

2. Make sure that you prioritise self-care – this can range from a simple walk outside in nature to sitting and just being with your favourite hot drink and a book, whatever works for you.

3. Mindfulness is really helpful to reconnect you with the present moment – you can often feel disconnected because you are in a place of judgement about yourself or others. Practicing mindfulness will help you feel calm and respond with a greater awareness and perception.

4. Stop comparing yourself to others, your life is your life – it’s your journey no one else’s. Constant comparisons just lead to resentment and deprive you of joy. Your gifts and talents, successes, contributions, and value are entirely unique to you and your purpose in this world. They can never be properly compared to anyone else.

5. Interact with friends or family to improve your relationships and if that’s hard, start with the relationship that you have with yourself.  When that improves your relationships with others will.

6. Finally and one of the most important things to do is to give yourself the same compassion that you would a really good friend, including how you talk to yourself.  Be kind to yourself first.

 

Join The Community

The Thrive Tribe is a safe place for women with long term, chronic illness or disability (or those who are carers of kids with chronic illness). It is a space to be you, to be honest that you want more than this, to be honest about not knowing how to start. A place where we can lift each other up and support each other. Where you can share your story and where we can inspire each other with our wins.  It’s about understanding that life can be tough but also that we can do hard things. About recognising your own unique superpowers! To feel like you belong in a community that has your back.

The Giveaway

This month if you join The Thrive Tribe I am offering you the chance to win 1 hour 1:1 private NLP coaching with me, to be taken in January.  All you have to do is follow the link below and join the group! See you over there 🙂

Join The Tribe Here

 

6 Top Tips To Manage Chronic Illness Crashes

6 Top Tips To Manage Chronic Illness Crashes

by | Dec 17, 2020 | Health

When you live with chronic illness ‘crashes’ are inevitable no matter how hard you try to avoid them.

Getting the balance between doing too much or too little is like walking a tightrope.  Mostly for me a crash comes when I do too much for too long.  I’m not stupid and I have lived with this for long enough to recognise the subtle signs that my body gives me, trying to warn me to slow down, to take a breath, to re-charge.  However more often than not I ignore them or think that just this once it will be OK if I push through.

Over the years my ability to manage my crashes has improved but every so often my body will throw me a curve ball.  It’s like it trying to prove who is really running the show.

I’ve learnt that the only way to avoid a monumental crash is respect the boss, to listen to my body and treat it with respect.  To manage, to pace and to keep all the plates spinning delicately in the air.

 

How the holiday Season may effect your chronic illness symptoms

The holiday season throws another element into the mix, although many of us will be experiencing quieter Christmas celebrations this year due to the COVID pandemic. Other factors may have an effect on how well you manage your symptoms and how you feel.

  • Routine. Extra time off, late nights or lay ins, even different meal times may impact your symptoms.
  • Sleep. Your sleep pattern may alter because of those late nights and lazy mornings but pay attention to the other factors may also alter your sleep during the holiday season, including the food you eat, alcohol, routine and how much energy you use during the day.
  • Food. The food that you eat may be different to usual over the holiday period, this can affect symptoms
  • Alcohol. Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t raise a glass with you Turkey this Christmas (I’m not the alcohol police!) but its really important to be aware of the medications that you take and the possible interactions.  Also how it affects your sleep, your mood and your symptoms.
  • Travel/ socialising with friends. Depending where you are in the world this year you may be allowed to meet up with family and that may involve travelling, which can make you more tired.  Coupled with socialising and catching up with family and friends this can take its toll on how you feel.

6 Signs that a chronic illness crash may be coming

Here are the top 5 ways to spot a crash is on its way and try to do something about it before it floors you.  Hopefully by recognising the signs and acting on them a crash can be lessened or avoided.

  1. A really big appetite.  For a few days before a crash hits it is like my body needs extra fuel, I often crave sweet, empty carbs.
  2. Being teary.  From crying at Countryfile’s stories promoting the big Ramble for Children in Need watching the Undateables (I love a happy ending) to welling up when I have to ask my kids to do their HW for the 11th time.
  3. Brain fog. Why did I want to put the milk away in the oven?  I have to think extra hard when I’m doing something as I lose my train of thought really quickly.  Focussing on reading is impossible and I forget why I have walked into a room in the first place.
  4. Being cold.  I can’t regulate my body temperature at the best of times but when a crash is coming I’m cold all the time.
  5. Breathlessness.  From walking to the kitchen to pop the kettle on to sitting and having a conversation.
  6. Poor sleep. When a crash is coming I become tired but wired.

6 Things to do to minimise a chronic illness crash

  1. Rest. Simple to say but impossible to actually put into practice when you have demands placed on you from family, friends, work or study. Resting completely it is the best way to stop the crash getting worse. Rest now.
  2. Act immediately. When you know (and in my case finally admit to yourself) that a crash is coming you have to stop. The sooner the act the easier that it is to minimise the fallout. I have been at my poorliest when I have pushed and pushed through.
  3. Delegate. You are not invincible and not everything is ‘your job’. My problem is that my family don’t always do the things that I ask them to do, a) to my standard, or, b) the second I ask them to do it – which just stresses me out! but I have to learn that the house will not fall down and I will become well much quicker if I let them help. And it’s never a bad idea to organise my lazy kids with some chores.
  4. Prepare. Think ahead – A little time spent planning things in advance can save heaps of energy later. From online shopping to planning your tasks and energy over a week. If you have something unavoidable to do plan good rest before and after.
  5. Ask for help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, yet it is the thing I struggle the most with. Start with those people that you know best and that love you dearly. You might be surprised at how willing they are to lend a hand – I always am. From doing the school run for you or making dinner to doing the ironing. Think about what will help you the most and if people offer without you having to ask, say YES!!!
  6. Pace yourself. To get over a crash pacing is key and pulling back from non essential activities will help you to recover more quickly. I try to look ahead for a few weeks and plan my energy levels: I never have two busy days in a row, I plan plenty of time to recover from activities, I cancel non-essential activities or appointments and I only socialise with people that make my heart jump or if it’s something I’m really looking forward to.

I hope it helps you to recognise and act on the warning signs that a crash may be brewing, and to get back to normal more quickly (whatever normal is)!

 

If you enjoyed this post you may like…

Surviving a crash if you have a chronic a chronic illness or The signs or carer burnout and how to fix them.

Join The Community

The Thrive Tribe is a community of women who have chronic illness or are a parent to a child who has an illness or disability.

You may feel like no-one understands what its like living with your chronic illness or worrying everyday about your kids. That you are hanging on by a thread or the future may feel a little uncertain. In The Thrive Tribe we get that.

You value life and want to be the best version of you. To manage your symptoms effectively so that you can live your best life. Or, to support your children to live theirs.

In the community we will be having real, open conversations about how you can do this. With my experience of living with multiple chronic illness’ and raising kids with CMT, EDS, PoTS and ME. I know that the struggle is real. I will be sharing guidance, challenges, my personal tips and real life stories to remind you of how this can become a reality now!

When you join the Tribe you can find your ULTIMATE GUIDE TO SELF-CARE and HANDY SELF-CARE CHECKLIST available in the files to download.

The 10 minute guide to understanding that self care is far more than having a bubble bath and lighting a scented candle. Why it is important to plan for if you have a chronic illness or are caring for someone who does and, a handy checklist to get you started with great self-care practices to support yous physical and mental health and that fit who you are!

 

Lessons I’ve Learnt To Help Me Live With My Chronic Illness Long Term

Lessons I’ve Learnt To Help Me Live With My Chronic Illness Long Term

by | Dec 9, 2020 | Health

Chronic illness has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.

When I was diagnosed with my first big diagnosis in my 30’s, Charcot Marie Tooth Disease (side note – it’s nothing to do with teeth) it floored me.  I just second guessed everything and constantly re-examined my life and my future.  Life spiralled. Outwardly I was still that same person but internally my mind was a mush, like a swan on the surface but frantically paddling underneath just to try to stay afloat.  I lived… but in a blur.  My career in teaching was over and I constantly questioned, ‘Who was I now?’ as so much of who I was was bound up in what I did.

It was a tough time.

Slowly I learnt, I trusted, I talked, I became empowered and I focussed on what I could do not what I couldn’t. I found work arounds for things to make my life easier.  I began to own my life again.

Ultimately, I changed my mindset.

Most importantly and life-changingly, I learned how to not let my chronic illness, which had been the focus for so many years, become my story – the story of someone who shirked away from her own life because she was diagnosed with this stuff and the world now owed her something for giving her that to carry. I looked forward, I focussed on what I wanted and I went out there and got it.

No more excuses.

I’ve learnt a few lessons along the way that I’d love to share with you, this being one of them, you have to focus on where you are going not where you have come from.

 

 

7 Lessons that I have learnt

 

1. Learn about your illness so you feel empowered and know how to help yourself. This can help you in doctors appointments advocating for yourself and discussing treatment options. It also helps you to manage and understand your symptoms for yourself and communicate what you need to to family, friends or colleagues without feeling awkward.

2. Beware of social media groups. There are some great people online, I have connected and built friendships with fabulous people from all over the world that I have never met. But there are also people who want to compete, if you ask a question seeking support, their symptoms will always be worse, their life harder.  It’s really important for them to let everybody know just how bad everything is for them. Be careful of falling down this rabbit hole. You can’t fix everybody.

3. Surround yourself by people that care. This sounds simple but your circle may get smaller when you are diagnosed with a chronic illness, that’s just how it is. The people that you once had wild nights out with will drop off the radar when you aren’t showing up anymore. You need people in your life that will listen and support you but also will talk about other stuff, make you laugh, have fun. There is so much more to life than your diagnosis and you need people that will help you keep things in perspective.

4. Practice self care. This means eat well, have a good sleep routine, get fresh air, switch off, move, laugh and nourish your soul. Balance and self care starts with YOU. You need to learn to focus on you, to be aware of what you want, what you don’t, learn to love yourself well and ditch the idea that self care is selfish. It’s not. When you have balance, you can divide your time and energy across all areas of your life, ensuring an appropriate focus on family, learning, spirituality, and career, etc and nurturing your overall wellness.

5. Set boundries. Boundries are super important when you have a chronic illness. Firstly it is important to recognise anything that may trigger a flare or make symptoms worse and anticipate them. You need to be clear about your needs and communicate them to the people around you, your friends and family are not experiencing your illness as you are and it is your responsibility to let them know how you feel and ask for help if you need it. This includes saying no to things if you need to. It is about giving yourself permission to do what is best for you.

6. Focus on what is good in your life. The saying ‘where your attention goes your energy flows’ is very true and it is important to remember it. When you are surrounded by doctors appointments and feel rubbish it that understandably where your focus is, I get it. But, the more that you focus on how rough things are, the worse they get. Think about what is good in your life, what you are good at, what you enjoy and do more of it. Your symptoms may not improve but the way that you feel about your diagnosis and your life will.

7. Look forward. Focusing on how things were, the job you had, the plans you made that seem unachievable now, will not help. Stop. Start from where you are today. What do you want? Get specific, what do you really want in your life now? In three months time, six months, three years? What is important to you? What do you really value? If you think about it it probably isn’t that high flying job that payed mega bucks but you hated, where you were burnt out and never saw your friends, even for coffee. Focus on the small things that will help you reach your bigger goals and start now. No more excuses.

 

Working with a coach can be really beneficial to help you on this journey by identifying the roadblocks that are stopping you from achieving your desired outcomes. Beyond this, NLP lets us delve deeper and identify the root cause of these roadblocks, which when removed, result in a more profound transformation. Do you want to chat about how positive mindset coaching could impact your life? Book a call.

Join the The Thrive Tribe on Facebook – A brand new private group where I will share more personal tips about how to live well with chronic illness and there will be weekly challenges to help you think about your life in a different way.

Self Care Is Not Self Indulgent

Self Care Is Not Self Indulgent

by | Dec 2, 2020 | Self care

We live is a society that loves achievement, qualifications and success.

Many people work extremely hard to get there – often ignoring the warning signs that their bodies are giving them. In this fast paced and driven world if you stopped and asked your self ‘What do I actually have to give?’ the answer is often ‘Not much!’.

When your energy goes on surviving there isn’t much left at the end of the day for thriving.

But, what is the point of success when you feel overwhelmed, fatigued and don’t have any time to spend with family and friends or doing the things that you love? Or you are grumpy and tired when you do see them!

Self care is often viewed as a luxury, high achievers are pre-programmed that they should just push through if they stand a chance at being successful. Over time this often creates stress, anxiety or illness. When you are managing a long term health issue and trying to live, work and raise a family then something often has to give. And, that something is usually self-care.

We often operate from patterns which we have created from our past life experiences and keep acting in the same ways without realising it. The first thing to do is to stop and re-calibrate, address self-care; unplug from technology, have some fun, practice mindfulness. (Download the checklist for more ideas). Then recognise the patterns that are helping you and contribute to your goals and let go of the ones that aren’t serving you anymore.

Balance and self care starts with YOU. You need to learn to focus on you, to be aware of what you want, what you don’t and to learn to love yourself well.

When you have balance, you can divide your time and energy across all areas of your life, ensuring an appropriate focus on family, learning, spirituality, and career, etc and nurturing your overall wellness. Priorities are an important part of developing a balanced life so energy can be divided in a logical way and the important things can get done.

However, when balance falters, parts of your life remain unnourished. They begin to fail, impacting other areas, and overall wellbeing. You begin to burn out and your health can suffer.

When you have a chronic illness, maintaining balance while managing your health condition can feel like an impossible task, it is easy to resort to different coping strategies just to try to manage your symptoms, hospital and doctors appointments let alone try to work and live. If you step back and look at your life, you can often see the warning signals — overeating, over-drinking, lethargy, stress and irritability they are all are signals that change is needed.

The good news is if you recognise them then you can do something about it! You have what it takes to make your life more complete. So, perhaps, most surprisingly, the crucial takeaway is not that you have the potential to put in place a routine of self-care, but that you deserve it.

Download the free self care checklist here

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